When teaching yoga, it's not the job of the teacher to come in, planned and ready to teach what they want. It's just job of the teacher to come in, open and ready for what comes. The planning is done in training, you learn how to teach a sequence, but once that is over, you are in a room of people who don't know what you did in training and its your job to deliver them yoga based on THEIR needs, not yours. Before each class, I quietly ask for the openness to give students what they need and then head in to teach. So sometimes when I teach yoga for you, I am listening too because it might be something I need to hear.
Recently I heard myself say "notice how you are showing up for yourself, what you are doing and saying to yourself. The way you show up for yourself is they way you show up for others" I'm not sure if I've heard that somewhere and it is just now coming out of my sub-conscious, but there it was, out in the open.
They way you show up for yourself is the way you show up for others. How am I showing up for myself? In winter, I show up for myself on my couch. Unmotivated and uninspired. Not like I've been snaking on candy bars and not going to the gym but kinda. I'm not really doing much to motivate or inspire myself. I think this is in part due to Winter hibernation which is necessary. I like the slowing down to recharge before Summer and yet, I still want to show up fully for my life.
As of late, here is how I am showing up for others: I am crabby, a lot. When I am focused on one thing and I am interrupted, I snap. I feel defensive. I feel like my patience is thin. I feel like connecting with people is exhausting. If that's a reflection for how I am showing up for myself, then I am not showing up the way I want to.
Here is how I am showing up for myself: Several hours of screen time, the TV is constantly on. If I start a new series of a show, it feels like I can't complete my to-do list until it is completely watched. Then I feel sucked into the not-reality of it. They make a lot of TV shows with sunny weather, well my weather isn't sunny. Suddenly I am not motivated, I miss sunny weather. These hours, even if I am working during them, are spent where my focus is split. No wonder my patience is running thin, my focus is spread thin. No wonder I feel crabby. No wonder I feel exhausted.
I listened to this video with Deepak Chopra and Jenn Perell, it's about multitasking, Deepak says we can't actually do it. I'm starting to agree.
I am showing up for myself with partial focus. I am showing up for others with partial focus. And that's it. I am simply not showing up focused, for me or for you. There are moment's where this isn't true but in·teg·ri·ty is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. Integrity is all or nothing. You have it or you don't and right now I am out of integrity with myself and with others. So, what's to be done about this? From this point forward, when I am watching TV, I will watch TV. When I am working, I will work. When I am making dinner, I will make dinner. When I am talking to someone, I will talk to them. To get back into integrity, I will use a single focus, I will show up for myself and in return I will show up for others.