Sometimes I find myself coming from a place of scarcity. Like I don't have what it takes to stick it out in the social-blog-world, like what I have to say or who I am in my soul isn't good enough or valuable enough for others to relate or connect to. For me, this feeling comes from comparison, looking at what others have and thinking that my value would increase if I had that. It leaves me jealous, bitter, and exclusive.
This use to be a very common feeling, so common I didn't even realize that the people I pushed I was jealous of. It's less common now and even as I write this I want to laugh because it feels so silly to me. To look at what you have and assume it's what I need to be successful and to assume that there isn't enough of it to go around; friends, love, support, community, if you have it, I can't. It's a ridiculous notion and even though it's becoming less, it's still there. A nagging feeling of scarcity.
I realize now, thankfully, that this feeling of scarcity creates scarcity. I use to create a division between me and the thing that "made" me feel lacking, generally that thing was a person or social media. The division never made me feel more whole. The blame never felt honest. So feeling lacking, left me lacking and alone.
I said that I want to laugh sharing this because I'm embarrassed that I feel a sense of scarcity even though I know the results of this way of being. So instead of pulling myself back from contributing, I'm telling you. This journey of feeling whole, of being enough, of self-awareness, and of authenticity doesn't just happen. It takes commitment. It seems easier to push away the thing that makes me feel lacking but there isn't a "thing", no person nor Instagram account, it's my state of mind that makes me feel lacking. The more lacking I feel the more disconnected I am from my soul. I get to choose to look inward, to trust my soul, I live from a place of wholeness. A wholeness that allows me to create connection, community, love, and support, because their magic isn't finite, it doesn't run out, and I know there is enough for everyone.